hands floater

you should..

hug me, hug me because you want to, and you don't mind holding me tight for longer then your ever so never ending 3 second hug. to keep holding me with the same amount of strength until your pretty little arms fall asleep. until they go limp like i am dripping. i'm melting and i'm gross, i'm sad, and i need your hand.

hold my hand. hold my hand because you are making sure i don't float away. for the both of us, not just me. lace your nice fingers through mine and lock them tight. to make me feel safe, to make me feel grounded.

am i getting into trouble? will you hold your big, beautiful hands out so you can catch me when i fall? so you can catch me as i drip? because i am feeling utterly clumsy these days and my toes turn in more pigeon like then ever before. my ankles are week and my knees are afraid. my feet are trying so hard to keep me up but i need you. i'm melting.

i need you and your beautiful hands. to be around my waist to be sure i don't fall backwards. don't let me slip through your fingers. i'm melting. it's really dark and i don't want to go down there. can you hear me or am i already too far down? lend me an ear and i will whisper it to you, whisper in my ear until i wake up because it's getting deeper. i don't know if i will be able to see you soon. soon, i won't be able to see you.

where are you going? please don't leave me, please don't float away because i'm trying so hard not to myself.
my ears are ringing,
my sight is flashing,
my heart is beating,
my palms are sweating,
my knees are shaking,
my head is pounding,
my eyes are watering,
and
you
CAN'T HEAR ME!

why can't you hear me? i can hear you so clearly and you can barely even see me. are you leaving?
please help me because i don't have any control over my senses. just because they fly free doesn't mean i want to float away.
please help me, because i need you. i need you and your beautiful hands to hold me down and make sure i don't float. i don't want to float. not alone. i'm already floating, just hold on really tight, please hold on tight because my eyes can't take it. the lump in my throat is tired, he's tired of being there and my eyes are tired of being red. they are angry at me. my heart is getting mad, he's yelling at me and thumping fast. he's hurting me and i can't make him better. please help me, for his sake. my hands are empty, my shoulders are low, my stance is crooked, my walk is sideways. please speak louder.
i am speaking as loud as i can and you can't even hear me, it's blurry and you can't see me. can you still smell me?

do i look like cheese? my knees are aching, they don't care what a fool i may make of myself because i need your hands. to keep me up. to hold my head, to hold my hands, to help my shoulders feel better. i need kisses, repetatitve kisses to the forehead,
to the cheek,
to the temple,
to the hand,
to the top of my head.
i just need your hands. please come back because i need you. i need to hear your voice and hold your hands. please hug me and not let go.

i know, i know. that's the one thing i don't need to hear, just come back and keep me safe.
please,
don't
float,
away.

so i have this wonderful friend.

i was hanging out with my best buddies patrack and randrew. i lost my bus pass somewhere downtown. i had to buy a new one, things are like $65. my mom gave me money for art stuff like canvases or a new drumhead to paint or maybe a picture frame for the painting i did for andrew that is below this post. I used that money for a new bus pass which really sucked. andrew is such a sweetheart that he came to school today and gave me two new canvases because i used the money for them. i can't get over how sweet that is. sweet boy, sweet boy.
meanwhile patrick is in moab and i miss him. i don't think any of us know what to do with ourselves at school, by any of us i mean ( erica, andrew, and myself ) i'm so used to just listening to brad and patrick make continuous wonderful jokes that i don't know what to fill the air with, at this point i'm a little afraid of the silence is all. i miss patrick and i couldn't even hang out with andrew this weekend like i usually do. i really hope i can hang out with patrick and andrew when he comes back. my friends are the most wonderful creatures i have ever laid my eyes upon. i love them so.

stop

well then lets do it.

are we gonna do it?
i'm gleakin!
why am i sitting on a toilet?
uh oh, don't write that.
mmmmmm....
mmmmm...

uh mmmmm.
uhmmm
uhmmmmm

my stache is getting so big.
it's almost bigger then yours.
hah hahahahahaha
and my chin is getting fatter and fatter
and rounder and juicier
and plumper, and more unlike my moms and more unlike yours.
my uncle has the most manliest hands you'll ever see.
that's where my man hands come from, but my hands are like little girly hands compared to his.
i should shave it's sunday. i got a new hair growing out of my chin
BURP
ew
BURP

stay away from my lips.

where's my eye podddddd

so we listen.
and we wait.
what makes you happy?
do you enjoy hysteria?
i miss you already because you can't hear me anymore.
i think i'll cry because YOU can't hear me anymore.
it's not my fault, why do you make it seem that way.
you are the one who cannot hear me anymore.

HER

HEADS

I am going to start buying, customizing, and selling drumheads.
The price will probably be around $100 depending on everything.
If you play drums and have old used drumheads you don't have use for anymore I can paint them for probably around $50 to hang or use for whatever.
I am thinking about starting to sell prints of my art as well for around $20 a print.

what makes a man

im sick. can't hit low notes.
what makes a man by city and colour
real bad real bad
once again no picture, just audio.