change of heart

Dear boy, I am not embarrassed or ashamed to say that I need you. But i'm starting to turn red and my eyes are burning. My heart is surging and it hurts in big bursts even when you're not around. I wrote, April thirtieth is the day my heart died but why would I record something I shouldn't remember. Maybe if i forget I'll forget to feed and I won't heal. If I remember the time I'll make progress and I'll start breathing steady. I think of this until the painful begins. All I want to do is dance, with you.
Maybe I am blushing, because I need you. Maybe you weren't supposed to know that part, there is my big mouth again. You weren't supposed to know that all this time we were dancing while I was shrinking. You were shrinking too and I didn't stop it from happening. We're all small now and we can see everything around us like we couldn't before. Like we were floating and dancing and there was nothing to stop this but we were growing smaller and now humans are telling us it's so. I'm not so sure I'd like to listen to those fleshy fools, how about you? I like being deaf sometimes, I like blocking out cold running blood and only listening to you. I like that you're the only opinion that matters but these ugly veined are taking that away and you're letting them, maybe you're one of them.
I'm only waiting for you to come around and I'm afraid I'm just waiting for another it's chill. I have never missed someone who was right in front of me and I've never missed someone holding my hand.
It happened.
I'm giving you a minute or two,
to come around of course.
So I'm just waiting here while my chest continues to pierce and throb and I tell you every time I feel it but you won't fix it.
I'm really tired of writing now.
My pants are uncomfortable and my upper lip is starting to sweat a little bit. My eyelids are a little sweaty as well.