i'm just going to sit here while i have to and watch you crumble, and watch you give up, what a firm example that's burning into my brain. maybe i'll be smarter, maybe i'll be happier because i'm watching it happen but the same should have gone for you. but i'm not you, i don't want to be, never will want to be you. i'm so tired of watching you slip all over the place and all you do is lay in the pile you left. i'm not cleaning it, i guess the smell just makes me think harder, of how i'm going to do that much better at keeping myself clean and keeping myself happy. maybe i don't want to hurt you bad enough to tell you that once i leave i'm not coming back but you don't understand you're running out of time and i'm waiting so impatiently and anticipating the moment i will feel you finally let go of my shoulders and i'll finally be able to breath and i won't feel dead anymore and i won't feel like i'm just a statue. so i can't look you in the eye because they are so glossed over that you can't even see that i'm crying, you can't even feel it because you can't feel anything but the nice cold trickle down your throat. so i walked in on you the other day and you wouldn't answer me, i think i walked away and cried, like a big baby. i didn't even know i cared that much until moments like that when you hadn't a clue what i was saying. you couldn't hear me.