body

i had to grow these bones,
these bones which are growing together to dismiss my joints-
to keep me from dancing.
i had to care for my sheep to keep smiling.
this string which holds my head above my bony shoulders
this string is so tight to cut my skin.
this skin that is growing too big.
this skin i will grow out of.
this skin i will let go.

these are my eyes,
these eyes which have gone golden from what they have seen.
these are my eyelashes,
these catch what i can't hold on to.
i had to water these plants i have.

these are my knees
which are weak from the day i first told you so.

my heart hasn't stopped.
you'll tell me if it does.
this is my heart which beats as a hum would-
from the day i told you i wouldn't run.

this is my liver that was drowning before i met you.
this which is safe because of you.

these are my tears that you caught before i could say i love you.
these are my sweet salts that i will send over to you.
these drip drops are mine.
they taste like you-
and the day i held your perfect face.

i had to grow this muscle in my legs
which wraps tight around these knees to keep me from running

i had to grow these skinny ankles
these ankles that are breaking before you
and you, who looks so surprised.

these are my hands
these hands which have learned to be lovely-
with paint, they are dancing

these, my feet
have grown rough from where and what they have stepped in.
these small feet that need washing.

this throbbing,
this brain
this brain that is pulsing when i close my eyes.
this brain that you've held together-
this brain can learn to hold itself together.

this is my wall that thinks it is so smart.
this is my wall that doesn't stand a chance against my heart.
this wall floats up and down like,
like my stomach
this wall floats like the butterflies in my stomach
which come and go as they please.

these are my butterflies which float up my throat.
my throat that swells when i try not to let my salts out.
this is my mouth, my teeth, my tongue.
these which sing and laugh for you, with you.

this is my conscience
my ghost which begs to see you
this that misses you and pries to hold you

this my speech
that speeds and stutters with my heart
with my nervous knees-
from the day you held my hand
from the day i was counting and you-
stop

this is me
and i had to grow to know what you were talking about