my black book

what i hope is that this is the beginning of the forever continuous words flowing from my tongue and fingertips until the day that i die. until the day that i physically float away, though you will still smell me. you will read this when i am no longer taut and smell like bengay and tea and feed you egg salad sandwiches from my over sized bag. you will read this as i count the new wrinkles around my eyes, smile lines of course. you will read this as my nurse watches my insanity spring from my dusty veins. and i will have not one regret left to fret of in my life. i will have my own world in my spotted palms and the smile will spread over my face with the teeth i have had all my life. you will see in my eyes that i have lived my life in most fulfilling of all ways possible. whether you have a piece of my mind and my heart on your wall, or i have taken all that away from you. you will read this book. your children will read this book, and their children, and theirs after that and maybe i will read this book without knowing i was the one who wrote it. i will float in the most perfect of manner because i will have left my mark. i will smile as my eyelids slide shut, i must guarantee this is how it will be. not because i know this for certain, but because this is the only way i want it to be.